it's taken me a while to get thru this... i'm not a consistent person yet... and i picked it back up recently so i could finish it...
zig ziglar suggested on the back of the book to make sure i had 3x5 cards with me while i read it...
darn...
but it gave me a good idea...
so here's the synopsis...
Chapter 1: What draws me to people?: Understanding the qualities you enjoy in others
- The best way to become a person that others are drawn to is to develop qualities that we are attracted to in others.
Principles to remember that should speak to us about our relationships with others:
.......1) Are we quick to respond to others' needs?
.......2) Do we run from problems or face them?
.......3) Do we talk more about bad news or good news?
.......4) Do we give people the benefit of the doubt, or do we assume the worst?
The Golden Rule: What's the key to relating to others? it's putting yourself in someone else's place instead of putting them in their place.
Five Ways You Want Others To Treat You
.......1) You want others to encourage you
.......2) You want others to appreciate you.
.......3) You want others to forgive you
.......4) You want others to listen to you.
.......5) You want others to understand you.
Words to remember
.......The least important word—I (gets the least amount done)
.......The most important word—We (gets the most amount done)—relationships.
.......The two most important words—Thank You—appreciation.
.......The three most important words—All is forgiven—forgiveness.
.......The four most important words—What is your opinion?—listening.
.......The five most important words—You did a good job—encouragement.
.......The six most important words—I want to know you better—understanding.
In life, you are either going to see people as you adversaries or as your assets.
Chapter Two: What draws others to me?: Understanding what people like about you and why
Charisma is defined as “a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm.”
CHARISMA as an acrostic can define the outstanding characteristics of charismatic people:
.......Concern-the ability to show you care
.......Help- the ability to reach out
.......Action-the ability to make things happen
.......Results-the ability to produce
.......Influence-the ability to lead
.......Sensitivity-the ability to feel and respond
.......Motivation-the ability to give hope
.......Affirmation-the ability to build up
Roadblocks to Charisma
.......Pride
.......Insecurity
.......Moodiness
.......Perfectionism
.......Oversensitivity
.......Negativism
Remember: Charisma is being more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are in making them feel good about you!
Chapter 3: How to be confident with people: Learning to feel comfortable with others
If there is one quality that would make you successful in motivation people or convincing people to follow your lead, that trait would be confidence.
Why do you need confidence?
.......1) It will give you stability in every area of your life.
.......2) It will stretch you.
How can you become confident?
.......Establish your worth according to God’s value system
Confidence can provide the momentum you need to be the person God meant you to be.
Chapter 4: Becoming a person people want to follow: Developing the qualities of an effective leader
In every age there comes a time when leadership must come forth to meet the needs of the hour
Leadership sets the standard, whether the organization be a business, a church or a family.
The higher the standard, the more effective the leadership.
President Harry Truman: “A leader is a person who has the ability to get others to do what they don’t want to do and like it.”
We each have an arena of influence.
There are five nonnegotiable characteristics that every effective leader must have:
.......1) A sense of calling
.......2) An ability to communicate
.......3) Creativity in problem solving
.......4) Generosity
.......5) Consistency
Chapter 5: Motivating People For Their Benefit: Developing the art of drawing out the best in people
The ability to persuade should become more refined and beneficial to us and those we lead as we experience life and relationships.
To persuade means to use sweetness to get people to do things.
.......The latin meaning is very positive “Per” means through; “suasio” means sweetness
Know Precisely what you are trying to accomplish
To give yourself a handle on establishing and accomplishing goals, keep in mind these “Five Cs.”
.......1) Consideration—What is the needed response?
.......2) Credibility—What must I do to get the needed response?
.......3) Content—What must I say to get the needed response?
.......4) Conviction—How must I say it?
.......5) Conclusion—What steps do I need to take to get the needed response?
Place yourself in the other person’s shoes
There are three questions you have to answer before you can put yourself in their shoes:
.......1) What do they know?
.......2)What do they feel?
.......3)What do they want?
“You can get everything in life you want, if you help enough people get what they want.” Zig Ziglar
Always deal with the problem issues up front.
Be prepared to take a risk
Know when to stop
Chapter 6: How to be a person people respect: Understanding the value of your character
Leaders are on the frontline of spiritual battle and are very susceptible to Satan’s attacks.
Leaders are to live a higher standard than followers
Is my personal walk with God up to date?
Why is this so essential to your personal credibility?
-Because the Word of God convicts our hearts
Am I keeping my priorities straight?
Priorities have a tendency to sneak out of position when we’re not paying attention.
.......First Priority: Relationship with God.
.......Second Priority: Family Responsibilities
.......Third Priority: Ministry or Career Commitments.
“If my people understand me, I’ll get their attention. But if my people trust me, I’ll get their action.” –Cavett Roberts
Chapter 7: You can be an encourager: Using your skills to inspire others to excellence
The key to encouragement is in knowing what gives people courage, what spurs them on to action.
Behavior that is rewarded is behavior that will continue.
Qualities that should be rewarded
.......Positive Attitudes
.......Loyalty
.......Personal Growth
.......Creativity
.......Risk-Taking
The key to working smarter is knowing the difference between motion and direction.
Chapter 8: Loving difficult people: Understanding and helping difficult personalities
Characteristics and solutions that will help you creatively deal with the situation and be able to rise above it: the “three P’s”
.......Perspective
.......Process
.......Problems
There are certain general rules that you can put into practice that will enable you to work more effectively with problem people:
.......Love them unconditionally
.......Ask God for wisdom in working with them.
.......Stay emotionally healthy yourself.
.......Do not elevate people to positions of leadership in order to rescue them.
.......Be honest with God, yourself, and them.
Our ultimate goal in dealing with problems should be to present the truth in such a way as to build the relationship, not destroy it.
Chapter 9: How to be a person who can handle criticism: Learning to use confrontation as an opportunity to grow
Our ability to take criticism can make us or break us.
Ten Tips for taking criticism
.......1) Understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
.......2) Don’t take yourself too seriously.
.......3) Look beyond the criticism and see the critic.
.......4) Watch your own attitude toward the critic.
.......5) Realize that good people get criticized
.......6) Keep physically and spiritually in shape.
.......7) Don’t just see the critic; see if there’s a crowd.
.......8) Wait for a time to prove them wrong
.......9) Surround yourself with positive people.
.......10) Concentrate on your mission—change your mistakes
10 Tips for Giving Criticism
.......1) Check your motive
.......2) Make sure the issue is worthy of criticism.
.......3) Be specific.
.......4) Don’t undermine the person’s self-confidence.
.......5) Don’t compare one person with another.
.......6) Be creative or don’t confront.
.......7) Attack the problem not the person.
.......8) Confront when the time is right.
.......9) Look at yourself before looking at others.
.......10) End confrontation with encouragement.
Chapter 10:Being a person people trust: Building integrity into your relationships
Crucial Truth: We teach what we know, but we reproduce what we are.
“Your children pay more attention to what you do than what you say.” Zig Ziglar
Encouragement has the effect of a gentle rain; it causes steady growth.
Learn to be an encourager…
.......Appreciate people for who they are.
.......Anticipate they will do their best.
.......Admire their accomplishments.
.......Accept our personal responsibility.
Believe the Best
Chapter 11:Developing a Winning Team: Learning how to help others become successful
“The guy who puts the ball through the hoop has ten hands.” John Wooden
How to develop a successful team:
Two essential ingredients
.......A Common Goal
.......The ability to communicate that goal.
Uniformity is not the key to successful teamwork.
The glue that holds a team together is unity of purpose
There are four major attributes that characterize a winning team
.......A Winning team plays to win.
.......They are risk takers.
.......They continue to try harder
.......Each member cares about the success of every other member
“The essence of leadership is the ability to inspire others to work together as a team—to stretch for a common objective.” Harold S. Geneen
