On the Grande occasion of Y2K I made a vow I will never forget
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I was actually at First Assembly of God in Bradenton, visiting my old youth group on a college break and at the stroke of midnight I made a major decision...
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I prayed to God and said oh so simply, and what I thought would be a noble Christian thing to do--became the hardest uphill climb ever--I told God "I want to be completely sold out for You. The next 10 years of my life, a tithe, are completely Yours. No dating, No doing my thing... Just pursuing You."
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Yikes...
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BUT
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ever since that life changing night, God has pursued me definitely harder than I pursued Him--but so far the revelation and outcome has been amazing to look back on.
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One of the biggest hurdles to overcome was the whole relationship thing. I'm in my 20's, most of my friends were getting married, kids that I led in youth were getting married, they were starting to have kids... so this whole single thing wasn't really a fun idea anymore
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I can remember when a light bulb went off for the first time and God opened my eyes to His perspective of relationships.
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It was at YEX and we had this session with just the ladies and a friend at the time gave descriptions of different types of girls that were out there... you know, the "Missionary" girl, the "I'm of Age" girl, the "Is He the One?" girl, the "Flirt" girl...notice I didn't say lady?
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‘Cause it was at that moment that God said "Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church." and I'm like "oh...duh, the Guy is supposed to pursue the Girl."
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and then Elisha Skorski (at the time) said something that would rock my world. She mentioned the Prov 31:12 were it says that the wife pleases her husband all the days of her life...That doesn't mean she starts being a good girl when she gets married, she behaves and acts like a Woman of God now. Dang Elisha, you're like how old? Smack my face...
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But the golden nugget stuck with me...and in the fall of the next year, I went on a trip to One Thing Atlanta and there I found out that I was betrothed... How exciting is it to finally realize that I don't have to think that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life or that there's no one out there for me... Cause I was falling madly in Love with Jesus...
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Now to kinda give you a better picture of where I was at, I honestly wasn't an experienced person when it came to relationships...in fact I had no experience what so ever.
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I had guys who were my friends, guys that I liked and we kinda talked some, but I've never had a boyfriend and never been on a date and I'm still a virgin...I'm so proud to say those three things...especially nowadays...I'm a rarity.
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So to come to terms with the slogan "Jesus is my Boyfriend" was sounding less cheesy and more Christlike to me.
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And yes, I was one of the people who went out and got one of the many self help books on relationships and kissing dating good bye stuff, one book in fact suggested that whenever I think about getting married ( as you know girls do), I should write my husband a letter, even when I haven't met him yet, telling him stuff that I'm going through, little love notes, things like that, so that on my wedding night I can give him this book of letters I've written to him.
...I’m also a firm believer that “dating” is seeds for divorce.
I read over and over the verses "Do not waken love before it's time" and I was like, yeah I get it, you don't want to rush into a relationship, you want to do the "Run for Jesus and one day you'll look over and see some running next to you and then you'll just take hands and keep running" thing...didn't really understand the true meaning of it until recently.
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Here’s a few revelations that God has shown me:
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There is a reason why people didn't meet until their wedding day--they understood that the emotions and feelings that came in a relationship were designed to be stirred and satisfied in the safety and sanctity of marriage. God didn't create those feelings to be stopped, once they get a going, you're supposed to "be fruitful and multiply"...They understood and respected them and taught their youth purity and taught them to respect and love each other. I think if any one was qualified to give advice on "Wait...don't give in to the emotions" it's Solomon (probably because he understood the consequences of not waiting...hence the 100's of wives)
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So if you're not supposed to "Awaken love before it's time" than why am I writing my future husband letters when I think about him...shouldn't I be thinking on things that are pure, and holy, and lovely, and of good report, and virtuous, and Godly? And what do you think stirs up those thoughts that got in there? "Oh my gosh, did you see Dear John? Isn't he handsome? Oh, I would love to marry me a man like Channing Tatum." HELLO!!! We have given into the Hollywood definition of what relationships are supposed to look like and how you get into one and what to do once you're in one and how to keep the guy with you and don't forget to get the enullment written in just in case...
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My lord, I know I'm not a saint when it comes to watching romantic comedies, or the Notebook 10 times, or movies about a boy and girl, but I'm grateful now that I finally realize that life isn't like the movies when it comes to this part of it.
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I don't want to learn how to be romantic from some movie or some book, I want to learn how to romance from the One who has been romancing me, the One who created me, I want to learn how to love my husband from the One that put us together...I'm not going to "expect" my husband to bring me flowers or chocolates on Valentine's Day...I'm not going to project expectations on him like that. Because he will be the Isaac that was worth waiting for, He will know where his source is when it comes to being romantic...and it ain't TLC.
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Now, don't go thinking I'm gonna be some crazy person so Heavenly minded she's no earthly good...no, I'm gonna have accountability people that I talk to, that WE talk to. But I want to have such a close relationship with the Lord that I want to be able to ask Him how to please my husband seeing how the Lord can see my husband's heart and knows him better than me.
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But what about the prospects that come before the "Isaac" does? Well think of it like this--If he isn't your husband, you're flirting with someone else's.
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As a woman, it is vital that we strengthen our relationship with the Lord so that our emotions don't get the best of us. God did design us with compassionate hearts, so that we can nurture and love our family, and take care of them...I don't know if any of you ladies have ever read Prov 31, but uh...If that's my goal, I ain't no sissy...I'm a tough woman who works hard and isn't shallow or emotional over petty things. I support my husband and tend to the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of my family and to do that--your relationship with God has to go deep.
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Every time we "think" about a possibility, play around with the idea of the "maybe", we've already sinned because according to Jesus even if we think about another person in an adulterous way, we've committed adultery and we're not supposed to covet our neighbor's wife...you may think that's over the top, but if you were to be thinking about my future husband as being yours I'd be giving you a right hook of fellowship...even if we haven't met yet.
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There is no need for us to worry about whether or not we're gonna get married...God said it isn't good for a man to be alone and when "he" finds a wife "he" finds a good thing..."he" is going to be looking for a woman who is madly in love with Jesus, not some girl that has dated, or flirted with other guys, or who is looking to get married..."he" wants to know that his wife will be able to stand beside him and not waver in adversity. That kind of guy...isn't thinking about what you look like during worship or if you are always at church or if you’re going to Applebee’s, he's madly in love with Jesus and is pursuing that love.
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So in conclusion (so far) I'm madly in love with Jesus... I want to bring a smile to my husbands face before I meet him... I am a Woman of God who has put her hope in Him, and her "list"... oh, which brings me to that "list" that we all write, the qualities we'd like in our future spouses... I wrote one, revised it, and then gave it to God, because one day I realized that God knows my needs-He knows my weaknesses and strengthens-He knows the end from the beginning-He knows the kind of man that I will need beside me when I'm giving birth-He knows what characteristics that man should have to bring balance to my life-He knows the talents my husband should have so that we can minister together--He knows the desires of my heart because He put them there... so why should I be thinking I could pick out a man that I think best suites me when I don't know what I'm going to face in 5-10-20-50 years...
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No matter where you are in your life today...regardless of what you've done in your past--Jesus can make you white as snow and you can make a vow today to live in purity--I wish my husband was my first kiss (I kissed a guy in 6th grade...and yes, my parents know...he went to my church) but because of the vow I made with God...my husband will be my first kiss now.
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There's more to this story, but I've shared what I thought I should...
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I hope my testimony can bring happiness to you and can encourage you in your walk with the Lord.
